Sucking Dick? I’d rather be sucking down Marlboro Cigarettes... and dick.
Description
Funny Sticker – “Sucking Dick? I’d Rather Be Sucking Down Marlboro”
This funny sticker isn’t subtle. It’s the exact opposite of subtle. It’s a nicotine-stained middle finger to good taste, small talk, and every beige Toyota Camry that’s ever tailgated you.
There’s bold.
There’s brash.
And then there’s this sticker — a cigarette-smoking skeleton proudly announcing they’re living their truth, nicotine-first, decorum-last.
💀 A Love Letter to Bad Habits & Good Branding
Some people have “Live, Laugh, Love.”
You? You’ve got “Sucking Dick? I’d rather be sucking down the smooth, rich taste of Marlboro Cigarettes & also dick.”
This bumper sticker is the highway manifesto for the unfiltered among us — those who know irony is an art form, and tragedy goes best with a menthol. The cigarette-smoking skeleton design says it all: timeless, classy, and ready to crawl out of its coffin for one last drag.
Stick it on your car, your cooler, your casket — anywhere that could use a little existential spice and a reminder that you, too, are a nicotine-powered gremlin with impeccable comedic timing.
🚗 Funny Bumper Sticker Energy, 100% Frog-Approved
Frog Mustard doesn’t make “cute.”
We make chaos that sticks — literally.
This funny bumper sticker tells every Prius in a 3-mile radius that you contain multitudes: you’re horny and addicted to Marlboros. A poet. A visionary. Possibly barred from your local Denny’s.
Each sticker is printed on thick, glossy, weatherproof vinyl — tough enough to handle UV rays, rainstorms, and judgmental glares from PTA moms. It’s a work of art that’ll hold up longer than most relationships.
🔥 Vinyl Sticker or Car Magnet? Choose Your Fighter.
Vinyl Sticker
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Glossy, vibrant, and permanently unhinged.
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Printed on premium, UV-laminated vinyl.
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Slaps onto your bumper, laptop, or cigarette case with purpose and passion.
Car Magnet
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Same art, zero commitment.
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Industrial-grade 30 mil magnet strength — because your chaos deserves stability.
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Pop it on your car when you’re feeling feral; pull it off when you have to drive Grandma to church.
Whether you go sticker or magnet, you’re getting that Frog Mustard promise: unapologetically weird, built to last, and perfectly offensive.
💨 A Weatherproof Sticker That Outlasts Your Lungs
Our weatherproof stickers don’t flake, fade, or crumble under pressure — unlike your willpower at a gas station counter.
They’re laminated to survive:
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Rain
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Sun
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Road grit
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Existential despair
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Every single “that’s inappropriate” look you’ll ever get
Each one is printed in-house with premium eco-solvent inks that deliver sharp color and unholy energy. Your skeleton? Crisp. Your Marlboro? Glowing. Your vibe? Chaotic-good.
🪦 Why This Design Slaps Harder Than a Nicotine Buzz
Because it’s funny — but it’s also art.
It’s absurdist Americana. It’s a love letter to bad decisions, late-night drive-thrus, and coping mechanisms wrapped in sarcasm.
The funny sticker reads like something a drunk cowboy would tattoo on his ribcage at 3 a.m. And that’s exactly the point.
People don’t buy this because it’s tasteful.
They buy it because it’s honest.
🐸 Made by Frog Mustard – Sticker Lords of Chaos
At Frog Mustard, we specialize in funny bumper stickers and magnets that make people laugh, honk, or file complaints.
We’re proudly based in the PNW, where the rain never stops, and neither does our questionable humor.
Every design is made by actual human degenerates with caffeine addictions and a printer that’s seen too much.
We test everything in real life — on cars, fridges, laptops, and the occasional emotional support water bottle.
If you want boring, go buy an “Eat Pray Love” magnet.
If you want iconic, grab this one.
🧃 Real Specs (For the Nerds)
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Dimensions: 8.5″ × 3″ — standard Frog Mustard chaos size
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Material: Thick laminated vinyl or heavy-duty 30 mil magnet
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Finish: Glossy with vivid, crisp colors
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Weatherproof: Absolutely
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Durability: Up to 5 years outdoors or 10 years indoors
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Design: Skeleton with a cig, Marlboro-core typography, existential swagger
🧩 How to Apply (or Deploy Your Chaos)
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Clean your surface.
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Peel the backing.
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Stick firmly (or slap, we’re not the cops).
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Step back. Light a cigarette. Admire your work.
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Whisper, “This is art.”
🚬 Funny Bumper Sticker Keywords in Action
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This funny bumper sticker turns every drive into a statement piece.
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The vinyl sticker version is bold, durable, and unapologetic.
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Prefer flexibility? The car magnet makes chaos portable.
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Every version is a weatherproof sticker, built for road rage and nicotine withdrawals alike.
❓ FAQs
1. Is this funny sticker weatherproof?
Absolutely. It’s a weatherproof sticker printed on UV-laminated vinyl designed to survive rain, sun, and tears of laughter.
2. Can I put it on my car as a magnet instead?
Yes! The car magnet option sticks like a dream but removes easily — ideal for commitment-phobes and people who sometimes have to look normal.
3. Will people get mad at me for this?
Oh, definitely. And that’s half the fun. This funny bumper sticker isn’t for the faint of heart — it’s for the bold, the unfiltered, and the spiritually exhausted Marlboro enjoyers among us.
Dad jokes... but better.
Product Info & Disclaimers
Sizing:
-Rectangular (bumper sticker) designs are approx. 8.5 x 2.5 inches
-Die-cuts are typically 3–4 inches
-Handmade! Sizing may vary slightly.
Materials:
-Premium all-weather vinyl
-Waterproof, smudge-proof, fade-proof, car wash safe
-Apocalypse-resistant
Magnets:
-Standard magnets are 20 mil thick.
-Upgrade to 30 mil - recommended for cold climates or aggressive winds.
Shipping:
-Ships in 1–3 business days from Washington
-We ship worldwide
-Free shipping available. Note that free third-party shipping is only trackable via EasyPost link in shipping confirmation. See Shop FAQs for more.
❗ DISCLAIMERS:
Mockups:
Mockup images are not to scale. May be larger in images for viewability. Colors may vary slightly.
Application Disclaimer:
– We can’t offer refunds for application to textured, plastic, or dirty surfaces, or for poor application practices.
– Frog Mustard products work best on glossy, smooth, clean, dry surfaces.
– Many coolers, kayaks, vehicle cladding, and similar items are made with low surface energy (LSE) plastics, which make it hard for adhesives (even premium vinyl) to bond.
– You assume the risk if you apply to a weird or incompatible surface.
👉 If you're applying to an LSE plastic and love our designs, message us — we’re happy to chat about higher-tack vinyl options for tough surfaces.
💡 For DIY adhesion help, many folks use Mod Podge, 3M Super 77 spray adhesive, or apply a little heat and pressure during application.
Learn more about surface energy and why it matters here:
🔗 3M Guide to Surface Energy & Adhesion
Air Bubbles (Magnets):
Small air bubbles under magnets are normal and usually disappear with time/heat.
Magnet Compatibility:
Many modern car bumpers are plastic and won’t hold magnets — try your trunk, doors, or side panels instead. Test a magnet on your car before purchasing. We cannot refund for those that do not check.
Longevity:
While our materials are built to last, extreme weather or improper surface prep can shorten product life.
Duplicates (Mystery/Misprints): Mystery and misprint packs may include duplicates. That’s part of the gamble. Misprints are subject to what is on hand that has been misprinted. If you do not want duplicates, buy a non-misprinted bundle.
Design Ownership:
All designs are original and created for humor/novelty. Parody and satire are protected speech.
No Custom Orders via Notes:
We can’t honor custom requests left in order notes for non-custom products. Please contact us before purchasing.
Stolen or Lost Mail:
Once your package is marked delivered, we unfortunately can’t replace lost or stolen mail. Please ensure your shipping address is correct and secure.