The Only 'Tism I Got is Patriotism

The Only ’Tism I Got is Patriotism – USA Sticker

Red, White, Blue, and Unmedicated

You ever hear a bald eagle scream so loud it shatters a can of Coors Light?
That’s the energy this USA sticker brings to your back bumper.

“The Only ’Tism I Got is Patriotism” is not a medical diagnosis—it’s a warning. A statement. A vibe. It’s the kind of sticker that comes with a free audio hallucination of Toby Keith yelling at a Tesla.

If you’ve ever had to clarify you’re “not that kind of online,” this was made for you.

Patriotism? Diagnosed.

This USA sticker wasn’t made in a lab. It was forged in the heart of a tailgate party, fed nothing but Miller High Life and reruns of Duck Dynasty.

You don’t need a therapy session. You need:

• Fireworks

• Gas station jerky

• A lifted Silverado

• And a bumper sticker that screams FREEDOM louder than your parole officer

This isn’t a sticker. It’s your political compass with two directions:
Straight and pissed.

Who Needs This USA Sticker?

This sticker is for:

• People who own 7 pairs of camo shorts

• Patriots with a love/hate relationship with the government

• Dudes named Dusty who scream “1776” during court dates

• Moms who bedazzle flags onto their Crocs

• Anyone who’s ever yelled “I PAY YOUR SALARY” at a 17-year-old barista

If you’ve ever debated a speeding ticket by reciting the Constitution from memory, this sticker goes right next to your "Don’t Tread on Me" tattoo.

Product Specs – Built Ford Tough (But for Stickers)

• Size: 8.5” x 2.5” – because anything smaller would be socialist

• Material: Commercial-grade vinyl, semi-gloss finish

• Sticker Version: Permanent (like your 4th of July hangover)

• Magnet (20 mil): Swappable for different counties

• Magnet Upgrade (30 mil): Cold-resistant for winters in Montana or family court

Each USA sticker is printed by a small business that values two things: freedom and thick vinyl.

Where to Slap It

• Your truck’s bumper (right between the mudflaps and the NRA sticker)

• Your cooler

• Your uncle’s jet ski

• Your grill (bonus if it’s shaped like a pig)

• The back of a bald eagle taxidermy if you’re really about that life

• The fridge you keep in the garage exclusively for Bud Heavies

Basically: wherever liberty lives, this sticker belongs.

Magnet vs Sticker – What Kind of Patriot Are You?

Sticker:

• Permanent

• Because freedom sticks

Magnet (20 mil):

• Swappable

• For folks who change counties often

Magnet Upgrade (30 mil):

• Built for freezing temps and fiery Facebook arguments

And yes, most modern bumpers are plastic, so slap magnets on the trunk, doors, or any part of your ride not protected by Big Polymer.

Application Instructions – God Bless This Mess

Sticker:

1. Wipe down your surface (you won’t)

2. Peel like you’re unsealing classified documents

3. Apply with the confidence of a guy yelling “This is America!” in a Chipotle

4. Let it bake in the sun while you polish your Bass Pro loyalty card

Magnet:

1. Slap it on

2. Walk away

3. Listen for applause

Frequently Asked Freedom

Is this USA sticker waterproof?

Absolutely. Rain, shine, spilled beer—this baby sticks through it all.

Will this make my truck faster?

Yes. In the eyes of God and NASCAR.

Can I gift this to a veteran?

Only if they can handle this much raw energy.

Will people get offended?

Yup. That’s why it works.

Final Words From the Eagle That Haunts This Sticker

“The Only ’Tism I Got is Patriotism” is not just a USA sticker—it’s a full-body experience in 8.5 inches. It’s the sound of fireworks going off inside a gas station. It’s the energy of a Monster-fueled political Facebook comment brought to life in vinyl.

It’s not for everyone. But neither is freedom.

If you're the kind of person who refers to the Constitution as "The Rules," then this sticker belongs in your arsenal—right next to your tactical fanny pack and emotional support lawnmower.

Buy it. Slap it. Pledge allegiance.
Because nothing says liberty like a bumper sticker that confuses everyone in the school pickup line.

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Sizing:
-Rectangular (bumper sticker) designs are approx. 8.5 x 2.5 inches
-Die-cuts are typically 3–4 inches
-Handmade! Sizing may vary slightly.

Materials:
-Premium all-weather vinyl
-Waterproof, smudge-proof, fade-proof, car wash safe
-Apocalypse-resistant

Magnets:
-Standard magnets are 20 mil thick.
-Upgrade to 30 mil - recommended for cold climates or aggressive winds.

Shipping:
-Ships in 1–3 business days from Washington
-We ship worldwide
-Free shipping available. Note that free third-party shipping is only trackable via EasyPost link in shipping confirmation. See Shop FAQs for more.

❗ DISCLAIMERS:

Mockups:
Mockup images are not to scale. May be larger in images for viewability. Colors may vary slightly.

Application Disclaimer:
-We can't offer refunds for application to textured/plastic/dirty surfaces or poor application practices.
-Frog Mustard products work best on a glossy/smooth, clean, dry surface, road, and car tested. You assume the risk if you apply to a weird surface.

Air Bubbles (Magnets):
Small air bubbles under magnets are normal and usually disappear with time/heat.

Magnet Compatibility:
Many modern car bumpers are plastic and won’t hold magnets — try your trunk, doors, or side panels instead. Test a magnet on your car before purchasing. We cannot refund for those that do not check.

Longevity:
While our materials are built to last, extreme weather or improper surface prep can shorten product life.

Duplicates (Mystery/Misprints): Mystery and misprint packs may include duplicates. That’s part of the gamble. Misprints are subject to what is on hand that has been misprinted. If you do not want duplicates, buy a non-misprinted bundle.

Design Ownership:
All designs are original and created for humor/novelty. Parody and satire are protected speech.

No Custom Orders via Notes:
We can’t honor custom requests left in order notes for non-custom products. Please contact us before purchasing.

Stolen or Lost Mail:
Once your package is marked delivered, we unfortunately can’t replace lost or stolen mail. Please ensure your shipping address is correct and secure.