The Founding Fathers Were Bottoms

THE FOUNDING FATHERS WERE BOTTOMS – The Ultimate Political Sticker (Die-Cut Edition) 🇺🇸🍑

Alright, listen up, history buffs and chaos agents. You ever look at the Founding Fathers and think, “Yeah, these guys were definitely not in charge of anything in their personal lives”? Because same. This Political Sticker (Die-Cut Edition) is here to remind the world that the men who wrote the Constitution probably had a very submissive energy. And frankly, the Declaration of Independence reads like a very dramatic breakup letter.

THIS POLITICAL STICKER LETS EVERYONE KNOW YOU SEE THROUGH THE FOUNDERS’ TOUGH EXTERIOR 🇺🇸

This isn’t just a sticker—it’s a historical revelation. The wigs? The frilly shirts? The obsession with writing long, emotional letters about their feelings? Yeah. We’re onto them. If you slap this on your laptop, car, or fridge, be warned: you may cause existential crises among history majors and constitutionalists.

🏆 WHY YOU NEED THIS POLITICAL STICKER:

✅ Premium weatherproof vinyl – Tougher than John Adams trying to argue he was a top. 🔥🍑
✅ UV & water-resistant – Unlike the Founders’ ability to keep their emotions in check, this won’t fade.☀️🌊
✅ Die-cut precision – Designed for maximum historical accuracy.
✅ Strong adhesive backing – Sticks better than Alexander Hamilton stuck to writing dramatic essays.🔥
✅ Easy removal – For when the Federalist Society comes knocking. 😬

WHERE TO FLEX THIS HISTORICAL REWRITE:

• 🚗 Your car – Because traffic needs this important historical correction.

• 💻 Laptop – Let everyone at the coffee shop know you understand American history on a deeper level.

• 🎒 Backpack – Just in case someone needs a spontaneous lesson in Founding Father energy.

• 🏛 Your local history museum – For maximum impact.

• 📜 Framed next to the Constitution – Because the truth deserves to be seen.

🚨 THE UNDENIABLE TRUTH ABOUT THE FOUNDERS 🚨

This sticker isn’t just for laughs—it’s about acknowledging what the history books won’t tell you. Jefferson? Emotional. Hamilton? Thirsty for validation. Washington? Probably just tired. If we can rewrite history to make them look heroic, we can rewrite it to reflect the truth.

WHO NEEDS THIS STICKER?

• 🍑 History buffs with a sense of humor – Because we all know at least one Founding Father had bottom energy.

• 🏛 Political science students – Submit this in your next research paper. I dare you.

• 😂 Anyone who loves absurd humor – This sticker screams “I appreciate history, but make it spicy.”

• 🚗 Drivers who want to confuse everyone behind them – Mission accomplished.

• 📜 Anyone who believes in historical accuracy – This is the revisionist history we deserve.

STICKER SPECS:

📏 Die-Cut Shape (Varies by Design)
🛠 Material: Premium waterproof vinyl
☀️ Durability: UV-resistant, scratch-proof, and built to last
📦 Finish: Matte for maximum historical enlightenment aesthetics
💪 Adhesion: Sticks better than Hamilton stuck to writing essays about his enemies

THE FOUNDING FATHERS WERE BOTTOMS. ACCEPT IT.

You thought you were just buying a sticker. Turns out, you were correcting the narrative. Get your Political Sticker (Die-Cut Edition) now and make sure everyone knows: history needs to be re-evaluated. 🇺🇸🍑

You ever read the Federalist Papers and think, “Damn, these guys were really writing emotional essays about their feelings like it was their full-time job”? Yeah.

Imagine: It’s 1776. Alexander Hamilton is pacing the room. He’s got another dramatic essay to write. Jefferson is in the corner, scribbling poetic nonsense about freedom and also probably his crushes. Adams is complaining about something. Washington is done with everyone’s nonsense.

And then—someone suggests war. The room gets quiet. Not because they’re scared. No, no. Because they’re wondering if the British soldiers will call them names.

This sticker is for those who understand the nuance of history. The reality that the Founding Fathers weren’t just revolutionaries—they were messy, dramatic, and 100% fighting over who got to lead the group project.

🚗 Honk all you want, but history is history.
🍑 The Founders would have posted long emotional threads on Twitter.
🔥 If they wrote the Constitution today, it would be in lowercase and unhinged.

Order now and set the record straight.

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Sizing:
-Rectangular (bumper sticker) designs are approx. 8.5 x 2.5 inches
-Die-cuts are typically 3–4 inches
-Handmade! Sizing may vary slightly.

Materials:
-Premium all-weather vinyl
-Waterproof, smudge-proof, fade-proof, car wash safe
-Apocalypse-resistant

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-Upgrade to 30 mil - recommended for cold climates or aggressive winds.

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