Dodge the Draft, Throat the Shaft
Description
Funny Sticker – “Dodge the Draft, Throat the Shaft”*
If you’ve ever looked at modern politics and thought, “Wow, this feels like a fever dream written by a raccoon with a bad gambling problem,” congratulations — you’re exactly who this Funny Sticker was made for. This satirical, unhinged, historically‑iffy masterpiece pokes fun at the endless saga of presidents, rumors, scandals, and the weird American tradition of pretending we’re shocked by any of it.
Enter: “Dodge the Draft, Throat the Shaft”* — a patriotic, deranged, bipartisan wink at the age‑old lore surrounding presidential love triangles, Bubbas behaving badly, and the eternal American pastime of deflecting responsibility with confidence.
This isn’t just a sticker. It’s a conversation starter. A driver’s‑side personality test. A weatherproof declaration that you’ve logged off emotionally and spiritually from the two‑party system and are now vibing exclusively through satire.
Stick it on your bumper, your fridge, your laptop, your ex’s emotional support water bottle — anywhere that could use a little chaos and a lot of humor.
Funny Bumper Sticker
Let’s be honest: America is built on three things — gossip, highway rage, and bumper stickers. And this funny bumper sticker goes absolutely feral in all three categories.
It’s the equivalent of rolling through traffic blasting a whistleblower mixtape. People will do a double‑take. Some will laugh. Some will question their childhood civics education. Some will immediately text their group chat:
“I just saw a sticker that ruined my day in the funniest way possible.”
And that’s exactly the point.
This sticker distills the energy of decades‑old political rumors, the kind that never die, never resolve, and never make sense — but somehow still dominate Thanksgiving dinner. It’s satire, it’s spicy, it’s chaotic, and it’s the perfect addition to your rolling metal billboard of personality.
Vinyl Sticker
Printed on premium, thick-cut, outdoor‑rated vinyl, this vinyl sticker is built like a tank and laughs in the face of weather. Rain? Hail? UV rays? Rogue pressure washers? Your uncle’s unhinged political rant in the Bi‑Mart parking lot?
It survives.
It thrives.
It continues clinging to your bumper like a Florida political consultant clings to relevance.
Plus, the colors are crisp, the adhesive is strong, and the finish is smooth enough to make even your most sticker‑snobby friend say:
“Okay wait… that’s actually really nice quality.”
Weatherproof Sticker
This weatherproof sticker isn’t just printed — it’s engineered. Our production setup is built for war: sun, snow, sideways rain, and that one summer where the PNW hit 112° for no reason.
No peeling.
No fading.
No crying (unless the joke hits too close to home).
It’ll outlast your car. It’ll outlast your neighbor’s HOA complaints. It’ll probably outlast whichever president the rumor mill is chewing on next.
Car Magnet (Optional Upgrade)
Want the punchline without the permanence? Choose the car magnet version and slap this chaotic legend on your ride with commitment‑free swagger.
Great for:
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People who lease
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People who fear stickers emotionally
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People who want to remove the joke before visiting their conservative aunt
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Anyone who wants political satire at 70mph without damaging paint
Our magnets are thick, durable, weatherproof, and strong enough to hold on at highway speeds — even during spirited “I’m late for work and also emotionally unstable” driving.
A Satirical Time Capsule
This design exaggerates, parodies, and pokes fun at the endless rumor‑mill surrounding presidents and whoever Bubba is this week. It lives at the intersection of politics, absurdity, and good old‑fashioned American mythology.
Whether you love politics, hate politics, or simply enjoy laughing at the weirdness of it all, this sticker is your new emotional coping mechanism.
Who Buys This Sticker?
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Chronically online gremlins who treat C‑SPAN like reality TV
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History buffs who know “Bubba” is bipartisan
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People who screamed once at a gas pump and never recovered
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Your gay cousin who keeps Thanksgiving interesting
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Anyone who loves satire and hates boredom
Basically: your people.
Why People Love Frog Mustard Stickers
✔ Weatherproof, thick vinyl
✔ Made with industrial printers (Roland gang rise up)
✔ Handmade in the PNW
✔ Over 250 chaotic designs
✔ Approved by our three black cats and one golden doodle
✔ Designed to survive cars, rain, and unrequested political opinions
Product Specs
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Size: 8.5” x 3” (bumper) unless otherwise shown
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Material: Premium weatherproof vinyl or 30‑mil magnet
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Durability: 3–5 years outdoors
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Finish: Glossy chaos
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Adhesive: Strong but removable
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Vibe: Unhinged patriotism + bipartisan nonsense
FAQs
Is this funny sticker weatherproof enough for my car?
Yes — this funny sticker is printed on premium outdoor vinyl and holds up to rain, UV, heat, freezing temps, and drive‑through car washes.
Will this funny bumper sticker offend people?
Probably. But in the way that makes them laugh first and question reality second. It’s satire — not an endorsement of anything except having a sense of humor.
Can I get this design as a car magnet?
Yep! The funny bumper sticker comes in magnet form too. Same joke, same chaos, zero commitment.
Product Info & Disclaimers
Sizing:
-Rectangular (bumper sticker) designs are approx. 8.5 x 2.5 inches
-Die-cuts are typically 3–4 inches
-Handmade! Sizing may vary slightly.
Materials:
-Premium all-weather vinyl
-Waterproof, smudge-proof, fade-proof, car wash safe
-Apocalypse-resistant
Magnets:
-Standard magnets are 20 mil thick.
-Upgrade to 30 mil - recommended for cold climates or aggressive winds.
Shipping:
-Ships in 1–3 business days from Washington
-We ship worldwide
-Free shipping available. Note that free third-party shipping is only trackable via EasyPost link in shipping confirmation. See Shop FAQs for more.
❗ DISCLAIMERS:
Mockups:
Mockup images are not to scale. May be larger in images for viewability. Colors may vary slightly.
Application Disclaimer:
– We can’t offer refunds for application to textured, plastic, or dirty surfaces, or for poor application practices.
– Frog Mustard products work best on glossy, smooth, clean, dry surfaces.
– Many coolers, kayaks, vehicle cladding, and similar items are made with low surface energy (LSE) plastics, which make it hard for adhesives (even premium vinyl) to bond.
– You assume the risk if you apply to a weird or incompatible surface.
👉 If you're applying to an LSE plastic and love our designs, message us — we’re happy to chat about higher-tack vinyl options for tough surfaces.
💡 For DIY adhesion help, many folks use Mod Podge, 3M Super 77 spray adhesive, or apply a little heat and pressure during application.
Learn more about surface energy and why it matters here:
🔗 3M Guide to Surface Energy & Adhesion
Air Bubbles (Magnets):
Small air bubbles under magnets are normal and usually disappear with time/heat.
Magnet Compatibility:
Many modern car bumpers are plastic and won’t hold magnets — try your trunk, doors, or side panels instead. Test a magnet on your car before purchasing. We cannot refund for those that do not check.
Longevity:
While our materials are built to last, extreme weather or improper surface prep can shorten product life.
Duplicates (Mystery/Misprints): Mystery and misprint packs may include duplicates. That’s part of the gamble. Misprints are subject to what is on hand that has been misprinted. If you do not want duplicates, buy a non-misprinted bundle.
Design Ownership:
All designs are original and created for humor/novelty. Parody and satire are protected speech.
No Custom Orders via Notes:
We can’t honor custom requests left in order notes for non-custom products. Please contact us before purchasing.
Stolen or Lost Mail:
Once your package is marked delivered, we unfortunately can’t replace lost or stolen mail. Please ensure your shipping address is correct and secure.