Only Cops with Hemorrhoids Pull Me Over Sticker – The Ultimate Anti-Cop Bumper Sticker for Maximum Road Rage Energy

The Only Cops with Hemorrhoids Pull Me Over Sticker is for those who understand that every ticket, every siren, and every unnecessary traffic stop is just projection. It’s not just an anti-cop bumper sticker—it’s a psychological attack, a power move, and a guarantee that at least one officer will rethink their life choices.

🚓 IT’S NOT A TRAFFIC STOP, IT’S A CRY FOR HELP. 🚓

Some cops pull people over for legitimate reasons. Some cops enforce traffic laws. But the ones who stop you? Yeah, they’re fighting for their lives.

Slap this high-quality vinyl bumper sticker on your car, motorcycle, or directly onto your speeding ticket (for legal reasons, don’t) and let the world know:

🚨 If you see red and blue lights behind you, just know—someone back there is clenching.
🔥 This sticker is waterproof, but their dignity isn’t.
🚗 If you’re getting pulled over, at least make it awkward.

And if an officer asks, “What’s that sticker supposed to mean?” Just smirk and say, ‘You tell me, chief.’

Why This Anti-Cop Bumper Sticker is a Must-Have

✅ Calls Out Unnecessary Traffic Stops – Because we know what’s really going on.
✅ 8.5" x 3" of Pure Psychological Warfare – Big enough to be read, small enough to be legally questionable.
✅ Premium Weatherproof Vinyl – Waterproof, UV-resistant, and cop-resistant (not legally, though).
✅ Sticks to Anything – Cars, toolboxes, donuts.
✅ A Certified Anti-Cop Bumper Sticker – Because some traffic stops are just personal problems in disguise.

Where to Stick This Sticker for Maximum Petty Energy

🚓 Your Car Bumper – So every cop behind you has to think real hard about their lower half.
💻 Your Laptop – For when you’re Googling ‘Can I get arrested for a bumper sticker?’
🚰 Your Water Bottle – Stay hydrated, stay lawless.
🔥 Your Friend’s Car Who Drives Like a Menace – This one’s for them.
🍩 The Nearest Police Station Bulletin Board (For Legal Reasons, Don’t) – But imagine.

Why Cops Have No Business Stopping You

Most people:

🚦 Get pulled over for actual infractions.
📝 Accept their ticket and move on.
🚗 Drive away with minor embarrassment.

You?

🔥 Drive away knowing that deep down, they’re thinking about your sticker.
🚓 Understand that every unnecessary stop is personal.
🎯 Just made some officer’s day 10x worse.

This  bumper sticker isn’t just a joke—it’s a power move.

Who Needs This  Bumper Sticker?

🔥 Sticker Collectors Who Love Unhinged Comedy – This belongs in your collection immediately.
🔥 People Who Have Been Pulled Over for Absolutely No Reason – We see you. We understand.
🔥 That One Friend Who Always Gets Stopped – Give them the gift of psychological warfare.
🔥 Anyone Who Enjoys Making Authority Figures Uncomfortable – This is your calling.
🔥 People Who Just Love Watching Officers Read This and Process It in Real Time – Peak entertainment.

Sticker Specs – Built for Maximum Lawless Energy

🔥 Size: 8.5" x 3" – Perfect dimensions for making cops question everything.
🔥 Material: Premium vinyl – Waterproof, UV-resistant, and resistant to unnecessary stops.
🔥 Finish: Glossy – Because your sticker should shine brighter than their bald spots.
🔥 Durability: Built to survive rain, flashing lights, and excessive ticket quotas.

Why You Need This Anti-Cop Bumper Sticker Immediately

You could be spending your money on boring, responsible things like legal fees.

OR…

You could be fully embracing your role as a menace to law enforcement, making every cop behind you pause in existential dread, and ensuring that no traffic stop is ever comfortable again.

The Only Cops with Hemorrhoids Pull Me Over Sticker isn’t just a funny bumper sticker. It’s a statement, a challenge, and an absolutely hilarious way to turn the tables on authority.

And if a cop asks, “Are you suggesting something with that sticker?” Just shrug and say, ‘I dunno, are you?’

How to Cause an Existential Crisis in 4 Easy Steps

1️⃣ Click ‘Add to Cart’ – Because this level of petty is irresistible.
2️⃣ Check Out – Fast, easy, and legally not an admission of guilt.
3️⃣ Wait for Delivery – We ship fast, unlike your reaction time to a speed trap.
4️⃣ Stick It Somewhere Legendary – Then enjoy the awkward tension.

Shop All

Follow us on Instagram

Sizing:
-Rectangular (bumper sticker) designs are approx. 8.5 x 2.5 inches
-Die-cuts are typically 3–4 inches
-Handmade! Sizing may vary slightly.

Materials:
-Premium all-weather vinyl
-Waterproof, smudge-proof, fade-proof, car wash safe
-Apocalypse-resistant

Magnets:
-Standard magnets are 20 mil thick.
-Upgrade to 30 mil - recommended for cold climates or aggressive winds.

Shipping:
-Ships in 1–3 business days from Washington
-We ship worldwide
-Free shipping available. Note that free third-party shipping is only trackable via EasyPost link in shipping confirmation. See Shop FAQs for more.

❗ DISCLAIMERS:

Mockups:
Mockup images are not to scale. May be larger in images for viewability. Colors may vary slightly.

Application Disclaimer:
– We can’t offer refunds for application to textured, plastic, or dirty surfaces, or for poor application practices.
– Frog Mustard products work best on glossy, smooth, clean, dry surfaces.
– Many coolers, kayaks, vehicle cladding, and similar items are made with low surface energy (LSE) plastics, which make it hard for adhesives (even premium vinyl) to bond.
– You assume the risk if you apply to a weird or incompatible surface.

👉 If you're applying to an LSE plastic and love our designs, message us — we’re happy to chat about higher-tack vinyl options for tough surfaces.

💡 For DIY adhesion help, many folks use Mod Podge, 3M Super 77 spray adhesive, or apply a little heat and pressure during application.

Learn more about surface energy and why it matters here:

🔗 3M Guide to Surface Energy & Adhesion

Air Bubbles (Magnets):
Small air bubbles under magnets are normal and usually disappear with time/heat.

Magnet Compatibility:
Many modern car bumpers are plastic and won’t hold magnets — try your trunk, doors, or side panels instead. Test a magnet on your car before purchasing. We cannot refund for those that do not check.

Longevity:
While our materials are built to last, extreme weather or improper surface prep can shorten product life.

Duplicates (Mystery/Misprints): Mystery and misprint packs may include duplicates. That’s part of the gamble. Misprints are subject to what is on hand that has been misprinted. If you do not want duplicates, buy a non-misprinted bundle.

Design Ownership:
All designs are original and created for humor/novelty. Parody and satire are protected speech.

No Custom Orders via Notes:
We can’t honor custom requests left in order notes for non-custom products. Please contact us before purchasing.

Stolen or Lost Mail:
Once your package is marked delivered, we unfortunately can’t replace lost or stolen mail. Please ensure your shipping address is correct and secure.