You're NOT Paranoid - I AM Following You

The Bumper Sticker That Lives In Your Walls

This bumper sticker validates every conspiracy theorist's darkest fears. We designed it for maximum psychological impact.

Why This Bumper Sticker Hits Different

Most bumper stickers just exist. This one watches you sleep.

Premium Features: • Vinyl tougher than tin foil hats • Adhesive stronger than paranoid delusions • Weather-resistant like surveillance vans • UV-protected like government agents • Reflective for night monitoring

Scientific Facts About Your New Stalking Tool

It triggers faster than someone looking over their shoulder. Each decal blessed by the CIA.

Quality Guarantees:

 • Materials stronger than mental barriers

• Sticks better than tracking devices

• Lasts longer than restraining orders

• More reliable than conspiracy theories

• Clearer than your phone conversations

Placement Suggestions:

• Your suspicious white van

• That car that's always there

• Every red light camera

• Behind them in traffic

• Everywhere they look

Daily Operation Instructions

Wake up. Choose psychological warfare. Watch paranoia bloom.

Warning Labels: • May cause frequent mirror checking • Side effects include nervous glancing • Known to trigger tin foil sales • Could result in curtain purchases • Might inspire running red lights

Installation Guide For Field Agents

1. Find their regular routes
2. Apply strategically
3. Maintain plausible deniability
4. Watch them question reality
5. Enjoy the resulting chaos

Features That Trigger: • High-visibility design for maximum impact • Font that follows you with its eyes • Colors visible in rearview mirrors • Size readable through binoculars • Reflective coating for night ops

More Psychological Operations

Each sticker comes pre-loaded with:

• Gaslighting capabilities

• Reality-bending properties

• Mind-game potential

• Surveillance suggestions

• Paranoia programming

Quality Control:

• Tested by black helicopters

• Verified by shadow people

• Approved by gang stalkers

• Certified to cause concern

• Guaranteed to raise heart rates

Join The Surveillance State

Membership perks include:

• VIP access to hidden cameras

• Premium following techniques

• Elite psychological warfare

• Master class in being everywhere

• PhD in living in their walls

Extended Features:

• More persistent than their ex

• Follows better than social media

• Watches harder than security cameras

• Sticks closer than FBI agents

• Works better than tracking devices

Bonus Applications

Perfect for:

• Traffic light encounters

• Parking lot appearances

• Grocery store coincidences

• Gas station synchronicity

• Mall "random" meetings

Safety Instructions:

• Apply with maximum visibility

• Maintain eye contact through mirrors

• Keep appearing randomly

• Document their reactions

• Share with other agents

Legal Disclaimers: We're not responsible for:

• Sudden onset paranoia

• Mass tin foil purchases

• Conspiracy theories

• Therapy sessions 

• Reality questioning

Additional Benefits:

• Automatic paranoia activation

• Instant doubt creator

• Guaranteed anxiety spike

• Reality destabilizer

• Truth questioner

Final Thoughts

While they're not paranoid, they're definitely being watched.

Remember:

• Trust no one

• Question everything

 • We are everywhere

• We are watching

• This is not a drill

Extended Warranty: Valid until they finally catch us. (They won't.)

Satisfaction Guarantee: If this bumper sticker doesn't trigger at least three existential crises, we'll refund your reality.

The Bottom Line: Join the watchers. Question their sanity. Choose chaos. Get this bumper sticker.

Note: No conspiracy theorists were harmed. They were already questioning everything.

⚠️ WARNING: May cause sudden onset paranoia and frequent mirror

Bonus Field Operations: This bumper sticker has a classic glossy finish that catches the light. We recommend placing multiple copies in increasingly improbable locations. Each one adds to their growing suspicion. Watch as they question how you're always three steps ahead.

 checking.

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Sizing:
-Rectangular (bumper sticker) designs are approx. 8.5 x 2.5 inches
-Die-cuts are typically 3–4 inches
-Handmade! Sizing may vary slightly.

Materials:
-Premium all-weather vinyl
-Waterproof, smudge-proof, fade-proof, car wash safe
-Apocalypse-resistant

Magnets:
-Standard magnets are 20 mil thick.
-Upgrade to 30 mil - recommended for cold climates or aggressive winds.

Shipping:
-Ships in 1–3 business days from Washington
-We ship worldwide
-Free shipping available. Note that free third-party shipping is only trackable via EasyPost link in shipping confirmation. See Shop FAQs for more.

❗ DISCLAIMERS:

Mockups:
Mockup images are not to scale. May be larger in images for viewability. Colors may vary slightly.

Application Disclaimer:
– We can’t offer refunds for application to textured, plastic, or dirty surfaces, or for poor application practices.
– Frog Mustard products work best on glossy, smooth, clean, dry surfaces.
– Many coolers, kayaks, vehicle cladding, and similar items are made with low surface energy (LSE) plastics, which make it hard for adhesives (even premium vinyl) to bond.
– You assume the risk if you apply to a weird or incompatible surface.

👉 If you're applying to an LSE plastic and love our designs, message us — we’re happy to chat about higher-tack vinyl options for tough surfaces.

💡 For DIY adhesion help, many folks use Mod Podge, 3M Super 77 spray adhesive, or apply a little heat and pressure during application.

Learn more about surface energy and why it matters here:

🔗 3M Guide to Surface Energy & Adhesion

Air Bubbles (Magnets):
Small air bubbles under magnets are normal and usually disappear with time/heat.

Magnet Compatibility:
Many modern car bumpers are plastic and won’t hold magnets — try your trunk, doors, or side panels instead. Test a magnet on your car before purchasing. We cannot refund for those that do not check.

Longevity:
While our materials are built to last, extreme weather or improper surface prep can shorten product life.

Duplicates (Mystery/Misprints): Mystery and misprint packs may include duplicates. That’s part of the gamble. Misprints are subject to what is on hand that has been misprinted. If you do not want duplicates, buy a non-misprinted bundle.

Design Ownership:
All designs are original and created for humor/novelty. Parody and satire are protected speech.

No Custom Orders via Notes:
We can’t honor custom requests left in order notes for non-custom products. Please contact us before purchasing.

Stolen or Lost Mail:
Once your package is marked delivered, we unfortunately can’t replace lost or stolen mail. Please ensure your shipping address is correct and secure.