Jesus Regrets Dying for You – Bumper Sticker OR Magnet

Introduction: The Bumper Sticker Your Grandma Hopes You Don’t Buy

Let’s be honest: if Jesus came back today, he’d probably scroll through your Instagram stories, shake his head, and mutter, “Yeah, this wasn’t worth it.” That’s the energy baked into the “Jesus Regrets Dying for You” Bumper Sticker — a chaotic 8.5" x 2.5" rectangle of vinyl blasphemy that you can slap on your car, fridge, or the church bulletin board if you’re feeling spicy.

This isn’t some limp-dollar-store decal. This is Frog Mustard — the brand unafraid to mix theology with tailgates, spirituality with sarcasm. Available as a premium vinyl sticker or an extra-thick 30mil magnet, this bad boy is ready to endure ridicule, weather, and your eternal damnation.

Design Concept: WWJD? Not This.

This design says what everyone else is too scared to admit: you might not be the shining example of humanity Christ had in mind. It’s bold. It’s irreverent. It’s the type of message that makes your youth pastor choke on communion wine. And that’s exactly why it belongs on your bumper.

Why This Isn’t Just Another Bumper Sticker

Unlike your third-grade vacation Bible school craft, this thing is built to last. Frog Mustard stickers are UV and weatherproof vinyl, so they’ll outlive your neighbor’s judgmental stares.

• Size: 8.5” x 2.5” — the perfect pulpit-to-parking-lot format.

• Material: Premium, non-laminated vinyl.

• Options: Sticker OR 30mil thick magnet that sticks harder than Catholic guilt.

• Durability: Survives sun, rain, snow, and holy water.

Specifications at a Glance

• Available as: Sticker or Magnet

• Size: 8.5" x 2.5"

• Material: Premium UV/weatherproof vinyl, non-laminated

• Magnet Upgrade: 30mil heavy-duty thickness

• Made in: USA (WA state, blessed by frogs, not God)

• Shipping: Free U.S. shipping, 1–3 business days, worldwide delivery

• Company: Frog Mustard Stickers — NYT-featured purveyors of irreverence

Sticker vs. Magnet: Repent or Repeat

Sticker Mode

Permanent, like the guilt you carry. Once applied, this sticker isn’t going anywhere until Revelations.

Magnet Mode

Temporary salvation. Stick it on Sunday, peel it off before family dinner. Thick, heavy-duty, reusable — this magnet clings harder than evangelists at your front door.

Application Instructions

1. Clean your surface. (Unlike your sins, this part is washable.)

2. Slap it on. Don’t overthink it. WWJD? Stick first, confess later.

3. Step back. Bask in your newfound role as prophet of sarcasm.

Magnets? Even easier. Toss it on and let it cling like scripture clings to hotel nightstands.

Durability That Laughs at the Rapture

• UV-resistant ink ensures your heresy won’t fade in the sun.

• Weatherproof vinyl shrugs off rain, snow, sleet, and baptismal dunk tanks.

• 30mil magnet option = a physical manifestation of stubbornness.

Shipping & Fulfillment: Fast, Free, Worldwide

Frog Mustard ships from WA state within 1–3 business days because eternity is already long enough. Free U.S. shipping is included, and we’ll send it worldwide — even to Vatican City, though delivery may require divine intervention.

About Frog Mustard Stickers

We’re Frog Mustard — the sticker company that proves blasphemy and comedy are a match made in highway heaven. With over 300 designs, retail placements at Zumiez, and a feature in the New York Times, we’ve become the go-to brand for people who want to make strangers laugh, gasp, or honk in disbelief. Every product is printed and shipped in the USA. No miracles required.

Why You Need This

• Because bumper stickers should start conversations (or fights).

• Because you deserve road rage entertainment that doubles as religious commentary.

• Because Jesus may regret dying for you, but you won’t regret buying this.

Final Call to Action

Salvation is overrated, but this “Jesus Regrets Dying for You” Bumper Sticker isn’t. Add it to your cart now, slap it on your bumper, and become the anti-saint your highway deserves.

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Sizing:
-Rectangular (bumper sticker) designs are approx. 8.5 x 2.5 inches
-Die-cuts are typically 3–4 inches
-Handmade! Sizing may vary slightly.

Materials:
-Premium all-weather vinyl
-Waterproof, smudge-proof, fade-proof, car wash safe
-Apocalypse-resistant

Magnets:
-Standard magnets are 20 mil thick.
-Upgrade to 30 mil - recommended for cold climates or aggressive winds.

Shipping:
-Ships in 1–3 business days from Washington
-We ship worldwide
-Free shipping available. Note that free third-party shipping is only trackable via EasyPost link in shipping confirmation. See Shop FAQs for more.

❗ DISCLAIMERS:

Mockups:
Mockup images are not to scale. May be larger in images for viewability. Colors may vary slightly.

Application Disclaimer:
– We can’t offer refunds for application to textured, plastic, or dirty surfaces, or for poor application practices.
– Frog Mustard products work best on glossy, smooth, clean, dry surfaces.
– Many coolers, kayaks, vehicle cladding, and similar items are made with low surface energy (LSE) plastics, which make it hard for adhesives (even premium vinyl) to bond.
– You assume the risk if you apply to a weird or incompatible surface.

👉 If you're applying to an LSE plastic and love our designs, message us — we’re happy to chat about higher-tack vinyl options for tough surfaces.

💡 For DIY adhesion help, many folks use Mod Podge, 3M Super 77 spray adhesive, or apply a little heat and pressure during application.

Learn more about surface energy and why it matters here:

🔗 3M Guide to Surface Energy & Adhesion

Air Bubbles (Magnets):
Small air bubbles under magnets are normal and usually disappear with time/heat.

Magnet Compatibility:
Many modern car bumpers are plastic and won’t hold magnets — try your trunk, doors, or side panels instead. Test a magnet on your car before purchasing. We cannot refund for those that do not check.

Longevity:
While our materials are built to last, extreme weather or improper surface prep can shorten product life.

Duplicates (Mystery/Misprints): Mystery and misprint packs may include duplicates. That’s part of the gamble. Misprints are subject to what is on hand that has been misprinted. If you do not want duplicates, buy a non-misprinted bundle.

Design Ownership:
All designs are original and created for humor/novelty. Parody and satire are protected speech.

No Custom Orders via Notes:
We can’t honor custom requests left in order notes for non-custom products. Please contact us before purchasing.

Stolen or Lost Mail:
Once your package is marked delivered, we unfortunately can’t replace lost or stolen mail. Please ensure your shipping address is correct and secure.