If You’re Going to Hit Me, Make Sure You Kill Me

If You’re Going to Hit Me, Make Sure You Kill Me Sticker – The Ultimate Funny Bumper Sticker for Unhinged Road Warriors

The If You’re Going to Hit Me, Make Sure You Kill Me Sticker is for those who live on the edge, understand the financial horrors of minor car accidents, and have fully embraced their chaotic side. It’s not just a funny bumper sticker—it’s a warning, a life philosophy, and an unhinged challenge to every tailgater behind you.

INSURANCE? EXPENSIVE. SURVIVAL INSTINCTS? OPTIONAL. DRAMA? ALWAYS.

Some people avoid accidents. Some people drive defensively. But you? You believe that if someone’s going to rear-end you, they better commit.

Slap this high-quality vinyl sticker on your car, laptop, water bottle, or directly onto the hood of the next reckless driver you see (for legal reasons, don’t) and let the world know:

💀 If I survive, I’m suing.
🚗 Insurance premiums? I don’t know her.
💀 Honk if you have bad decision-making skills.

And if someone asks, “Wait… are you serious?” Just laugh and say, ‘Drive closer and find out.’

Why This Funny Bumper Sticker is a Must-Have

✅ Instantly Establishes Your Commitment to Chaos – People will think twice before messing with you.
✅ 8.5" x 3" of Pure Existential Crisis Energy – Big enough to be read, unsettling enough to be remembered.
✅ Premium Weatherproof Vinyl – Waterproof, UV-resistant, and insurance claim-proof.
✅ Sticks to Anything – Cars, laptops, hospital waiting rooms (for legal reasons, don’t), traffic signs.
✅ A Certified Funny Bumper Sticker – Because reckless humor belongs on the road.

Where to Stick This Bumper Sticker for Maximum Effect

🚗 Your Car Bumper – So tailgaters immediately regret their life choices.
💀 Your Laptop – For when you’re researching “how much can I sue for a car accident?”
🚗 Your Water Bottle – Stay hydrated, stay unhinged.
💀 A Rental Car (For Chaos Reasons Only) – Imagine returning it with this still attached.
🚗 The Back of Your Friend’s Car Who Drives Like a Maniac – They need this more than you.

Why You’re the Perfect Person for This Sticker

Most people:

🚦 Follow traffic laws.
💵 Worry about car insurance rates.
😇 Don’t actively invite chaos into their lives.

You?

💀 Understand that if an accident is going to happen, it better be worth it.
🚗 Believe that financial ruin is worse than physical injury.
💀 Have no fear, only bumper sticker-based threats.

This bumper sticker isn’t just a joke—it’s a public service announcement.

Who Needs This Bumper Sticker?

🔥 Drivers Who Have Given Up on the Concept of Safety – Might as well have fun with it.
🔥 Sticker Collectors Who Love Unhinged Humor – This belongs in your collection immediately.
🔥 That One Friend Who Shouldn’t Have a License – Give it to them before the state does.
🔥 Anyone Who Enjoys Making Strangers Nervous – Mission accomplished.
🔥 People Who Think Traffic Laws Are Just a Suggestion – You already know if this is for you.

Sticker Specs – Built for Maximum Shock Value

🔥 Size: 8.5" x 3" – Large enough to make an impact (figuratively, hopefully not literally).
🔥 Material: Premium vinyl – Waterproof, UV-resistant, and road-rage-proof.
🔥 Finish: Glossy – Because humor should shine.
🔥 Durability: Built to survive rain, reckless drivers, and questionable life choices.

Why You Need This Funny Bumper Sticker Immediately

You could be spending your money on boring, responsible things like brake pads.

OR…

You could be fully committing to your existential road rage and making sure everyone behind you knows exactly what kind of person they’re tailgating.

The If You’re Going to Hit Me, Make Sure You Kill Me Sticker isn’t just a funny bumper sticker. It’s a challenge, a cry for help, and an invitation for the universe to do its worst.

And if someone asks, “But what if someone actually hits you?” Just shrug and say, ‘Then we’ll see who has better insurance.’

How to Confuse and Terrify Strangers in 4 Easy Steps

1️⃣ Click ‘Add to Cart’ – Because your patience is running out.
2️⃣ Check Out – Fast, easy, and slightly concerning.
3️⃣ Wait for Delivery – We ship fast, but your tolerance for bad drivers is already gone.
4️⃣ Stick It Somewhere Legendary – Then sit back and enjoy the reactions.

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Sizing:
-Rectangular (bumper sticker) designs are approx. 8.5 x 2.5 inches
-Die-cuts are typically 3–4 inches
-Handmade! Sizing may vary slightly.

Materials:
-Premium all-weather vinyl
-Waterproof, smudge-proof, fade-proof, car wash safe
-Apocalypse-resistant

Magnets:
-Standard magnets are 20 mil thick.
-Upgrade to 30 mil - recommended for cold climates or aggressive winds.

Shipping:
-Ships in 1–3 business days from Washington
-We ship worldwide
-Free shipping available. Note that free third-party shipping is only trackable via EasyPost link in shipping confirmation. See Shop FAQs for more.

❗ DISCLAIMERS:

Mockups:
Mockup images are not to scale. May be larger in images for viewability. Colors may vary slightly.

Application Disclaimer:
– We can’t offer refunds for application to textured, plastic, or dirty surfaces, or for poor application practices.
– Frog Mustard products work best on glossy, smooth, clean, dry surfaces.
– Many coolers, kayaks, vehicle cladding, and similar items are made with low surface energy (LSE) plastics, which make it hard for adhesives (even premium vinyl) to bond.
– You assume the risk if you apply to a weird or incompatible surface.

👉 If you're applying to an LSE plastic and love our designs, message us — we’re happy to chat about higher-tack vinyl options for tough surfaces.

💡 For DIY adhesion help, many folks use Mod Podge, 3M Super 77 spray adhesive, or apply a little heat and pressure during application.

Learn more about surface energy and why it matters here:

🔗 3M Guide to Surface Energy & Adhesion

Air Bubbles (Magnets):
Small air bubbles under magnets are normal and usually disappear with time/heat.

Magnet Compatibility:
Many modern car bumpers are plastic and won’t hold magnets — try your trunk, doors, or side panels instead. Test a magnet on your car before purchasing. We cannot refund for those that do not check.

Longevity:
While our materials are built to last, extreme weather or improper surface prep can shorten product life.

Duplicates (Mystery/Misprints): Mystery and misprint packs may include duplicates. That’s part of the gamble. Misprints are subject to what is on hand that has been misprinted. If you do not want duplicates, buy a non-misprinted bundle.

Design Ownership:
All designs are original and created for humor/novelty. Parody and satire are protected speech.

No Custom Orders via Notes:
We can’t honor custom requests left in order notes for non-custom products. Please contact us before purchasing.

Stolen or Lost Mail:
Once your package is marked delivered, we unfortunately can’t replace lost or stolen mail. Please ensure your shipping address is correct and secure.