I Eat Speeding Tickets

I Eat Speeding Tickets Bumper Sticker

Some people fear consequences. Others collect them like Pokémon cards. This bumper sticker is for the drivers who see posted speed limits as gentle suggestions and regard traffic citations as seasoning.

Available as a sticker, standard magnet, or extra-thick magnet for drivers whose commitment to chaos deserves industrial-grade support.

Funny Sticker for Drivers With Main Character Delusions

Nothing says "responsible adult" quite like a funny bumper sticker that openly brags about consuming legal documents.

Perfect for:

• Speed demons.
• Car enthusiasts.
• People who think radar detectors are decorative.
• Friends who somehow always know where the nearest Waffle House is at 2 AM.

This masterpiece turns every commute into a public relations disaster, and honestly, that's beautiful.

Slap it on your car, toolbox, laptop, water bottle, or whatever object currently lacks poor impulse control.

Car Magnet Option for Temporary Criminal Energy

Maybe you're committed to the bit, but not permanently. That's where the car magnet comes in.

Choose between:

• Standard magnets for everyday tomfoolery.
• Extra-thick magnets for cold weather and highway speeds.
• Easy removal for job interviews, family reunions, and court appearances.

Same chaotic message. Less emotional commitment.

Because sometimes you want plausible deniability.

Premium Vinyl Sticker Tougher Than Your Insurance Premium

Every vinyl sticker is made from commercial-grade materials because your jokes deserve better than gas station quality.

Features include:

• Thick glossy finish.
• UV-resistant laminate.
• Waterproof and scratch-resistant construction.
• Fade-resistant colors.
• Safe for cars, trucks, coolers, and emotional support water bottles.
• Designed and printed in-house by our tiny U.S. team.

This isn't some flimsy mystery sticker that'll surrender after one rainstorm. It's built for long road trips, questionable life choices, and surviving your fourth "spirited drive" of the week.

Weatherproof Sticker Built for High-Speed Shenanigans

Rain? Fine.

Snow? Fine.

Blazing summer heat? Bring it on.

Automatic car washes? Send it.

Unexpected conversations with state troopers? You're on your own.

This weatherproof sticker is waterproof, UV-protected, and made to stay looking ridiculous for years.

Buy 2 Get 1 Free Because Tickets Are Expensive Enough

Here at Frog Mustard, we believe stupid jokes should come with smart deals.

Buy any three stickers or magnets and get the third item FREE. Mix and match designs, formats, and varying levels of vehicular irresponsibility. The discount applies automatically.

Every order is designed, printed, and shipped by our small U.S. team. No dropshipping. No soulless mass production. Just premium weirdness made by people who clearly should've picked more respectable hobbies.

Life's short.

The speed limit is merely a font choice.

If this sticker feels like your brand of chaos, browse our Shop All section for more unhinged designs.

Not sure where to start? Our bestselling stickers are the ones people can’t stop buying or arguing about in traffic.

Want to make sure your sticker actually sticks and lasts? Check out our full sticker guide for placement, surfaces, and longevity.

For new drops, chaotic ideas, and stickers in the wild, follow us on Instagram—we post the good stuff there first.

Sizing:
-Rectangular (bumper sticker) designs are approx. 8.5 x 2.5 inches
-Die-cuts are typically 3–4 inches
-Handmade! Sizing may vary slightly.

Materials:
-Premium all-weather vinyl
-Waterproof, smudge-proof, fade-proof, car wash safe
-Apocalypse-resistant

Magnets:
-Standard magnets are 20 mil thick.
-Upgrade to 30 mil - recommended for cold climates or aggressive winds.

Shipping:
-Ships in 1–3 business days from Washington
-We ship worldwide
-Free shipping available. Note that free third-party shipping is only trackable via EasyPost link in shipping confirmation. See Shop FAQs for more.

❗ DISCLAIMERS:

Mockups:
Mockup images are not to scale. May be larger in images for viewability. Colors may vary slightly.

Application Disclaimer:
– We can’t offer refunds for application to textured, plastic, or dirty surfaces, or for poor application practices.
– Frog Mustard products work best on glossy, smooth, clean, dry surfaces.
– Many coolers, kayaks, vehicle cladding, and similar items are made with low surface energy (LSE) plastics, which make it hard for adhesives (even premium vinyl) to bond.
– You assume the risk if you apply to a weird or incompatible surface.

👉 If you're applying to an LSE plastic and love our designs, message us — we’re happy to chat about higher-tack vinyl options for tough surfaces.

💡 For DIY adhesion help, many folks use Mod Podge, 3M Super 77 spray adhesive, or apply a little heat and pressure during application.

Learn more about surface energy and why it matters here:

🔗 3M Guide to Surface Energy & Adhesion

Air Bubbles (Magnets):
Small air bubbles under magnets are normal and usually disappear with time/heat.

Magnet Compatibility:
Many modern car bumpers are plastic and won’t hold magnets — try your trunk, doors, or side panels instead. Test a magnet on your car before purchasing. We cannot refund for those that do not check.

Longevity:
While our materials are built to last, extreme weather or improper surface prep can shorten product life.

Duplicates (Mystery/Misprints): Mystery and misprint packs may include duplicates. That’s part of the gamble. Misprints are subject to what is on hand that has been misprinted. If you do not want duplicates, buy a non-misprinted bundle.

Design Ownership:
All designs are original and created for humor/novelty. Parody and satire are protected speech.

No Custom Orders via Notes:
We can’t honor custom requests left in order notes for non-custom products. Please contact us before purchasing.

Stolen or Lost Mail:
Once your package is marked delivered, we unfortunately can’t replace lost or stolen mail. Please ensure your shipping address is correct and secure.

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