Criminalize Bumper Stickers

Criminalize Bumper Stickers – The Vinyl Decal That Says What We’re All Thinking

We’ve all been there—stuck in traffic, forced to read someone’s terrible opinions plastered all over their car. Whether it’s political rants, stick figure families, or “My Kid is an Honor Student” flexes, enough is enough. It’s time to take a stand. It’s time to criminalize bumper stickers.

This high-quality, weatherproof vinyl decal is a satirical masterpiece—a bold, hilarious statement that turns your own bumper into the ultimate contradiction. Because let’s be honest, the only bumper sticker anyone needs is the one that says to ban them all.

🔥 TOO MANY TAKES. NOT ENOUGH SPACE. SHUT IT DOWN. 🔥

Why You Need This Criminalize Bumper Stickers Decal

✅ Weatherproof & Durable – Survives rain, sun, and unhinged drivers.
✅ Bold, High-Contrast Design – So even the worst offenders can read it.
✅ Easy to Apply, Peels Clean – No sticky mess, just pure irony.
✅ Guaranteed to Get Reactions – From confused stares to slow claps of approval.

This criminalize bumper stickers decal isn’t just a sticker—it’s a movement.

Where to Slap This Sticker for Maximum Impact

🚗 Car Bumper or Window – Let traffic know you’re sick of reading.
💻 Laptop or Tablet – Perfect for people who spend too much time online.
🛑 Stop Signs, Street Poles (Not Legally Recommended, But Spiritually Encouraged) – Make the roads a better place.
🚪 Office Desk, Fridge, or Toolbox – Keep your workspace free of nonsense.
📱 Phone Case or Notebook – A constant reminder that some opinions should stay unspoken.

Wherever it goes, this sticker makes its stance clear.

What Happens After You Apply This Sticker?

🚨 People in traffic taking photos.
🚨 A dramatic increase in ironic conversations.
🚨 At least one person angrily pointing out that this is also a bumper sticker.
🚨 More laughs, fewer eye-roll-inducing opinions.
🚨 A new level of self-awareness every time you see it.

This sticker doesn’t just exist—it calls out the problem.

The Perfect Gift for People Who Hate Bumper Stickers

🎁 For Drivers Who Are Over It – No more bad takes at red lights.
🎁 For Sticker Collectors Who Love a Good Bit – Because hypocrisy is hilarious.
🎁 For Friends Who Love to Argue About Free Speech – Let them process this.
🎁 For Yourself, Obviously – Because your car deserves irony.

This criminalize bumper stickers decal isn’t just funny—it’s essential.

Built to Last – Just Like the Worst Bumper Stickers

💪 Weatherproof & Waterproof – Handles rain, dust, and strong opinions.
🔥 UV-Resistant – No fading, no peeling, just lasting satire.
🛠 Premium Vinyl Material – Applies smooth, removes clean, stays legendary.

This sticker isn’t just a joke—it’s a necessary contradiction.

Final Thoughts: You Know This Belongs on Your Car

🚨 One sticker. Maximum irony. Zero regrets.
🚨 If you don’t get this now, you’ll wish you had when you see it on someone else’s bumper.
🚨 Your car, laptop, and fridge deserve better. They deserve this.

🚨 LIMITED STOCK – BEFORE THE GOVERNMENT ACTUALLY DOES IT. 🚨

👉 BUY NOW & MAKE TRAFFIC A LITTLE MORE ENTERTAINING.

BECAUSE SOME BUMPERS JUST NEED TO STAY BLANK.

We’ve reached peak sticker saturation. Every political rant, outdated joke, and passive-aggressive flex has been slapped onto a car. Enough is enough. This sticker? It’s the protest piece we all need.

WHAT ELSE CAN YOU EXPECT?

🚨 More laughs at stoplights.
🚨 At least one person questioning their life choices.
🚨 A boost in self-awareness every time you see it.
🚨 Fewer bad bumper stickers in your line of sight.
🚨 Pure satisfaction knowing your car is part of the movement.

Some stickers clutter the world. This one calls for change.

🚨 LIMITED STOCK – BEFORE WE’RE DROWNING IN EVEN MORE BAD TAKES. 🚨

👉 ORDER NOW & RECLAIM THE ROAD.

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Sizing:
-Rectangular (bumper sticker) designs are approx. 8.5 x 2.5 inches
-Die-cuts are typically 3–4 inches
-Handmade! Sizing may vary slightly.

Materials:
-Premium all-weather vinyl
-Waterproof, smudge-proof, fade-proof, car wash safe
-Apocalypse-resistant

Magnets:
-Standard magnets are 20 mil thick.
-Upgrade to 30 mil - recommended for cold climates or aggressive winds.

Shipping:
-Ships in 1–3 business days from Washington
-We ship worldwide
-Free shipping available. Note that free third-party shipping is only trackable via EasyPost link in shipping confirmation. See Shop FAQs for more.

❗ DISCLAIMERS:

Mockups:
Mockup images are not to scale. May be larger in images for viewability. Colors may vary slightly.

Application Disclaimer:
– We can’t offer refunds for application to textured, plastic, or dirty surfaces, or for poor application practices.
– Frog Mustard products work best on glossy, smooth, clean, dry surfaces.
– Many coolers, kayaks, vehicle cladding, and similar items are made with low surface energy (LSE) plastics, which make it hard for adhesives (even premium vinyl) to bond.
– You assume the risk if you apply to a weird or incompatible surface.

👉 If you're applying to an LSE plastic and love our designs, message us — we’re happy to chat about higher-tack vinyl options for tough surfaces.

💡 For DIY adhesion help, many folks use Mod Podge, 3M Super 77 spray adhesive, or apply a little heat and pressure during application.

Learn more about surface energy and why it matters here:

🔗 3M Guide to Surface Energy & Adhesion

Air Bubbles (Magnets):
Small air bubbles under magnets are normal and usually disappear with time/heat.

Magnet Compatibility:
Many modern car bumpers are plastic and won’t hold magnets — try your trunk, doors, or side panels instead. Test a magnet on your car before purchasing. We cannot refund for those that do not check.

Longevity:
While our materials are built to last, extreme weather or improper surface prep can shorten product life.

Duplicates (Mystery/Misprints): Mystery and misprint packs may include duplicates. That’s part of the gamble. Misprints are subject to what is on hand that has been misprinted. If you do not want duplicates, buy a non-misprinted bundle.

Design Ownership:
All designs are original and created for humor/novelty. Parody and satire are protected speech.

No Custom Orders via Notes:
We can’t honor custom requests left in order notes for non-custom products. Please contact us before purchasing.

Stolen or Lost Mail:
Once your package is marked delivered, we unfortunately can’t replace lost or stolen mail. Please ensure your shipping address is correct and secure.