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I Eat Speeding Tickets
✔ Waterproof, UV-proof vinyl
✔ Ships in 1–2 business days
✔ Orders with 4+ magnets automatically upgraded to parcel tracking
Made in-house by our small U.S. team — no dropshipping, no mystery warehouse.
Description
I Eat Speeding Tickets Bumper Sticker
Some people fear consequences. Others collect them like Pokémon cards. This bumper sticker is for the drivers who see posted speed limits as gentle suggestions and regard traffic citations as seasoning.
Available as a sticker, standard magnet, or extra-thick magnet for drivers whose commitment to chaos deserves industrial-grade support.
Funny Sticker for Drivers With Main Character Delusions
Nothing says "responsible adult" quite like a funny bumper sticker that openly brags about consuming legal documents.
Perfect for:
- Speed demons.
- Car enthusiasts.
- People who think radar detectors are decorative.
- Friends who somehow always know where the nearest Waffle House is at 2 AM.
This masterpiece turns every commute into a public relations disaster, and honestly, that's beautiful.
Slap it on your car, toolbox, laptop, water bottle, or whatever object currently lacks poor impulse control.
Car Magnet Option for Temporary Criminal Energy
Maybe you're committed to the bit, but not permanently. That's where the car magnet comes in.
Choose between:
- Standard magnets for everyday tomfoolery.
- Extra-thick magnets for cold weather and highway speeds.
- Easy removal for job interviews, family reunions, and court appearances.
Same chaotic message. Less emotional commitment.
Because sometimes you want plausible deniability.
Premium Vinyl Sticker Tougher Than Your Insurance Premium
Every vinyl sticker is made from commercial-grade materials because your jokes deserve better than gas station quality.
Features include:
- Thick glossy finish.
- UV-resistant laminate.
- Waterproof and scratch-resistant construction.
- Fade-resistant colors.
- Safe for cars, trucks, coolers, and emotional support water bottles.
- Designed and printed in-house by our tiny U.S. team.
This isn't some flimsy mystery sticker that'll surrender after one rainstorm. It's built for long road trips, questionable life choices, and surviving your fourth "spirited drive" of the week.
Weatherproof Sticker Built for High-Speed Shenanigans
Rain? Fine.
Snow? Fine.
Blazing summer heat? Bring it on.
Automatic car washes? Send it.
Unexpected conversations with state troopers? You're on your own.
This weatherproof sticker is waterproof, UV-protected, and made to stay looking ridiculous for years.
Buy 2 Get 1 Free Because Tickets Are Expensive Enough
Here at Frog Mustard, we believe stupid jokes should come with smart deals.
Buy any three stickers or magnets and get the third item FREE. Mix and match designs, formats, and varying levels of vehicular irresponsibility. The discount applies automatically.
Every order is designed, printed, and shipped by our small U.S. team. No dropshipping. No soulless mass production. Just premium weirdness made by people who clearly should've picked more respectable hobbies.
Life's short.
The speed limit is merely a font choice.
If this sticker feels like your brand of chaos, browse our Shop All section for more unhinged designs.
Not sure where to start? Our bestselling stickers are the ones people can’t stop buying or arguing about in traffic.
Want to make sure your sticker actually sticks and lasts? Check out our full sticker guide for placement, surfaces, and longevity.
For new drops, chaotic ideas, and stickers in the wild, follow us on Instagram—we post the good stuff there first.
Size, Materials & Care
For best results, please review and follow the full care and application instructions included with your order and available on our FAQ page here.
Sizing
- Rectangular bumper stickers are approximately 8.5” x 2.5”
- Die-cut stickers and magnets are typically 3–4”
- Sizing may vary slightly, especially on hand-cut magnet materials
- Mockup images are not to scale and may appear larger for visibility
Materials
- Made with premium all-weather vinyl
- Waterproof, smudge-proof, fade-resistant, and car wash safe (stickers) when properly applied
- Designed for outdoor use on smooth, clean, glossy surfaces
- Apocalypse-resistant, within reason
Magnets
- Standard magnets are 20 mil thick
- 30 mil extra-thick magnets are available and recommended for colder climates
- Magnets only stick to magnetic metal surfaces. Many modern bumpers are plastic, so please test your vehicle before ordering
- Try your trunk, doors, or side panels if your bumper is not magnetic
Basic Care & Application
- Apply only to a clean, dry, smooth, glossy surface
- Clean the surface thoroughly before applying and dry completely
- Avoid textured, plastic, rubberized, dirty, dusty, waxy, or low surface energy surfaces
- For best results, apply in mild temperatures and press firmly across the full design. Do not apply under 45 degrees F
- Wait 24–48 hours before washing your car after applying a sticker to allow the adhesive to bond
- Remove magnets before car washes or extreme weather (snow/extreme winds)
- Clean under magnets periodically to prevent trapped dirt or debris from affecting your paint
Important Surface Disclaimer
Frog Mustard products work best on glossy, smooth, clean, dry surfaces. Many coolers, kayaks, vehicle cladding, and similar items are made with low surface energy plastics, which can make it difficult for adhesives to bond, even with premium vinyl.
We cannot offer refunds for poor application, failed adhesion on textured/plastic/dirty/incompatible surfaces, or magnet incompatibility with non-magnetic vehicle panels. If you’re unsure about your surface, please message us before applying or purchasing.
Rewards
Join Frog Army rewards automatically with your order. Earn Mud Bucks to spend on free stuff.