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Republicans Can't Read

Regular price $10.50

Buy 2, Get 1 Free — automatically applied in cart
Available as a weatherproof sticker, standard magnet, or extra-thick magnet.
Sticker or Magnet
For colder climates, we recommend Extra Thick Magnet.

✔ Waterproof, UV-proof vinyl
✔ Ships in 1–2 business days
✔ Orders with 4+ magnets automatically upgraded to parcel tracking

Made in-house by our small U.S. team — no dropshipping, no mystery warehouse.

Description

The Political Sticker That Makes Fox News Cry

This political sticker sparks joy and conservative tears. We designed it for maximum impact.

H2: Why This Political Sticker Goes Nuclear

Most bumper art plays nice. This one commits arson against ignorance.

Premium Features:

• Vinyl tougher than GOP excuses

• Adhesive stronger than Trump's legal defense

• Weather-resistant like Democratic spines should be

 • UV-protected like banned library books

• Waterproof because facts don't care about feelings

Scientific Facts About Your New Political Sticker

It triggers faster than Tucker losing sponsors. Each decal blessed by angry librarians.

Quality Guarantees:

• Materials stronger than conservative arguments

• Sticks better than GOP conspiracy theories

• Lasts longer than Trump's marriages

• More reliable than Fox News citations

• Clearer than Matt Gaetz's browser history

Placement Suggestions:

• Your Prius or Tesla

• That Starbucks-visiting laptop

• Public library windows

• School board meeting name tags

• Anywhere near a Trump rally

 Daily Activation Instructions

Wake up. Choose literacy. Watch conservatives melt.

Warning Labels: • May cause spontaneous fact-checking • Side effects include critical thinking • Known to trigger Fox viewers • Could result in book ownership • Might inspire actual research

Installation Guide For The Educated

  1. Find a visible spot
  2. Clean surface (unlike their voting record)
  3. Apply with the confidence of white privilege
  4. Watch conservatives try to read it
  5. Enjoy the resulting chaos

Features That Trigger: • High-contrast design for easy reading • Simple words for limited comprehension • Bold font that screams "education matters" • Colors visible from MAGA hat distance • Size readable from pickup truck height

More Truth Bombs

Each sticker comes pre-loaded with: • Facts that don't care about feelings • Citations that check out • Grammar that passes inspection • Spelling better than Trump's tweets • Logic that tracks

Quality Control: • Tested at CPAC conventions • Verified by English professors • Approved by fact-checkers • Certified to trigger snowflakes • Guaranteed to start arguments

Join The Resistance

Membership perks include: • VIP access to actual facts • Premium trolling capabilities • Elite triggering potential • Master class in conservative tears • PhD in owning the ignorant

Extended Features: • Starts more fights than CRT • Triggers faster than gun control debates • Lasts longer than GOP marriages • Sticks better than Trump's hair • Works harder than Ted Cruz

Bonus Applications

Perfect for:

• Family reunion chaos

• Holiday dinner arguments

• Church parking lot discourse

• School board meeting entertainment

• Conservative neighbor triggering

Safety Instructions:

• Apply with maximum visibility

• Prepare for random arguments

• Keep dictionary handy

• Document reactions

• Share results widely

Legal Disclaimers:

We're not responsible for: 

• Sudden outbreaks of education

• Mass awakening events

• Conservative meltdowns

• Tucker Carlson rants

• Fox News segments

Additional Benefits:

• Automatic Karen summoning

• Instant conversation starter

• Guaranteed Facebook drama

• Twitter screenshot potential

• Reddit karma generator

Final Thoughts

While they can't read it, they sure can cry about it.

Remember:

• Facts don't need feelings

• Education triggers fascists

• Reading is revolutionary

• Knowledge is power

• Conservatives hate this one weird trick

Extended Warranty: Valid until Republicans learn basic comprehension. Don't hold your breath.

Satisfaction Guarantee: If this political sticker doesn't trigger at least three conservatives, we'll send you another free.

The Bottom Line: Join the educated elite. Make conservatives question things. Choose chaos.

Note: No Republicans were harmed. They couldn't read the warning labels.

⚠️ WARNING: May cause spontaneous outbreaks of literacy and critical thinking skills. Get yours now.

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Size, Materials & Care

For best results, please review and follow the full care and application instructions included with your order and available on our FAQ page here.

Sizing

  • Rectangular bumper stickers are approximately 8.5” x 2.5”
  • Die-cut stickers and magnets are typically 3–4”
  • Sizing may vary slightly, especially on hand-cut magnet materials
  • Mockup images are not to scale and may appear larger for visibility

Materials

  • Made with premium all-weather vinyl
  • Waterproof, smudge-proof, fade-resistant, and car wash safe (stickers) when properly applied
  • Designed for outdoor use on smooth, clean, glossy surfaces
  • Apocalypse-resistant, within reason

Magnets

  • Standard magnets are 20 mil thick
  • 30 mil extra-thick magnets are available and recommended for colder climates
  • Magnets only stick to magnetic metal surfaces. Many modern bumpers are plastic, so please test your vehicle before ordering
  • Try your trunk, doors, or side panels if your bumper is not magnetic

Basic Care & Application

  • Apply only to a clean, dry, smooth, glossy surface
  • Clean the surface thoroughly before applying and dry completely
  • Avoid textured, plastic, rubberized, dirty, dusty, waxy, or low surface energy surfaces
  • For best results, apply in mild temperatures and press firmly across the full design. Do not apply under 45 degrees F
  • Wait 24–48 hours before washing your car after applying a sticker to allow the adhesive to bond
  • Remove magnets before car washes or extreme weather (snow/extreme winds)
  • Clean under magnets periodically to prevent trapped dirt or debris from affecting your paint

Important Surface Disclaimer
Frog Mustard products work best on glossy, smooth, clean, dry surfaces. Many coolers, kayaks, vehicle cladding, and similar items are made with low surface energy plastics, which can make it difficult for adhesives to bond, even with premium vinyl.

We cannot offer refunds for poor application, failed adhesion on textured/plastic/dirty/incompatible surfaces, or magnet incompatibility with non-magnetic vehicle panels. If you’re unsure about your surface, please message us before applying or purchasing.

Rewards

Join Frog Army rewards automatically with your order. Earn Mud Bucks to spend on free stuff.


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