{"product_id":"reptile-bumper-sticker","title":"My Doctor Told Me I Got \"Reptile Dysfunction\", What a Fuckin IDIOT","description":"\u003ch2 class=\"PDq2pG_selectionAnchorContainer\"\u003e\n\u003cspan role=\"text\"\u003eReptile Dysfunction \u003cstrong\u003eBumper Sticker\u003c\/strong\u003e for People With Absolutely Zero Shame\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"PDq2pG_selectionAnchor\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis \u003cstrong\u003ebumper sticker\u003c\/strong\u003e features a deranged-looking skeleton surrounded by reptilian chaos, proudly announcing: \u003cstrong\u003e\"My doctor told me I got reptile dysfunction. What a fuckin idiot.\"\u003c\/strong\u003e Equal parts dumb, aggressive, and spectacularly unnecessary, it's the kind of joke that earns confused stares, uncontrollable laughter, and the occasional horrified grandma. Exactly how Frog Mustard likes it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAvailable as a premium vinyl sticker or a durable magnet, this design is built for cars, toolboxes, coolers, laptops, gun safes, garage fridges, and any other smooth surface that deserves significantly worse taste.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDon't forget—\u003cstrong\u003eBuy 2, Get 1 FREE\u003c\/strong\u003e on all stickers and magnets.\u003cspan role=\"text\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan role=\"text\"\u003ePremium \u003cstrong\u003eWeatherproof Sticker\u003c\/strong\u003e Built for Real Life\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLooking ridiculous shouldn't mean falling apart.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEvery Frog Mustard \u003cstrong\u003ebumper sticker\u003c\/strong\u003e is handmade using premium all-weather vinyl that's:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWaterproof\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSmudge-proof\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFade-proof\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCar wash safe\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBuilt to survive rain, sun, snow, road trips, and general nonsense\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eRectangular designs measure approximately \u003cstrong\u003e8.5 x 2.5 inches\u003c\/strong\u003e, while die-cut versions are typically \u003cstrong\u003e3–4 inches\u003c\/strong\u003e. Because every item is handmade, slight size variations are normal. Mockup images are enlarged for visibility and are not to scale.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor best results, apply your \u003cstrong\u003eweatherproof sticker\u003c\/strong\u003e to a clean, dry, smooth, glossy surface. Dirty, textured, or low-energy plastics can reduce adhesion, because science refuses to cooperate with chaos.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan role=\"text\"\u003eDurable \u003cstrong\u003eCar Magnet\u003c\/strong\u003e Option\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNot ready for permanent commitment? Grab the car magnet of this funny sticker version instead.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOur standard magnets are \u003cstrong\u003e20 mil thick\u003c\/strong\u003e, while our extra-thick \u003cstrong\u003e30 mil magnets\u003c\/strong\u003e are perfect for colder climates and stronger winds. Just remember that magnets only stick to metal, and many modern bumpers are plastic. Test your vehicle before ordering.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor the longest life, remove your magnet before automatic car washes or severe weather.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan role=\"text\"\u003eWhy Buy a Frog Mustard \u003cstrong\u003eBumper Sticker\u003c\/strong\u003e?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEvery \u003cstrong\u003ebumper sticker\u003c\/strong\u003e is an original Frog Mustard design created for people who appreciate satire, absurdity, and making strangers question humanity.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou'll also get:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHandmade quality from Washington\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eShips in \u003cstrong\u003e1–3 business days\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWorldwide shipping available\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFree shipping on qualifying orders\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eOriginal artwork you won't find anywhere else\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAccess to rewards, monthly subscriptions, bonus designs, and the Frog Army Sticker Stars contest at Frog Mustard\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf your sense of humor peaks somewhere between \"dad joke\" and \"internet brain rot,\" congratulations—you've found your people.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eNot sure where to start?\u003c\/strong\u003e Our \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/www.frogmustardstickers.com\/collections\/popular-stickers\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ebestselling stickers\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/a\u003e are the ones people can’t stop buying or arguing about in traffic.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWant to make sure your sticker actually sticks and lasts? Check out our full \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/www.frogmustardstickers.com\/pages\/funny-bumper-stickers-for-cars-2026-guide-best-ideas\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003esticker guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/a\u003e for placement, surfaces, and longevity.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor new drops, chaotic ideas, and stickers in the wild, \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/frogmustardstickers\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003efollow us on Instagram\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/a\u003e—we post the good stuff there first.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003c!-- notionvc: 665ddfcf-b4dd-4608-822e-2031b434f798 --\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Frog Mustard Stickers","offers":[{"title":"Sticker","offer_id":54618733642007,"sku":"Reptile Dysfunction Sticker","price":10.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Standard Magnet","offer_id":54618733674775,"sku":"Reptile Dysfunction Magnet","price":14.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Extra Thick Magnet","offer_id":54618733707543,"sku":"Reptile Dysfunction XL","price":16.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0807\/6712\/3735\/files\/il_fullxfull.8349645288_jzga.jpg?v=1786068424","url":"https:\/\/www.frogmustardstickers.com\/products\/reptile-bumper-sticker","provider":"Frog Mustard Stickers","version":"1.0","type":"link"}